Maintenance Matters

Blog Layout

This is a subtitle for your new post

Most cars today have maintenance reminders that tell you when you need to change your oil or rotate your tires, for instance. A little light on the dashboard will often tell you. (You may not know that auto mechanics call them “idiot lights.” I’m sure you can figure out why.) Anyway, the car will remind you; but, it’s up to you to get the work done and keep things running smoothly.

I’m guilty of sometimes waiting longer than I should to change my oil or rotate my tires…even as I know it’s very important. A car is a major investment and well worth taking care of.

Relationships Need Maintenance Too

What if we had a relationship maintenance reminder? What if a light on your partner’s forehead would blink regularly to remind you to pay attention, to keep in touch, to express your feelings and attend to theirs? Every relationship needs regular maintenance: tune ups, checking in with one another, keeping things running smoothly. And, although there are no flashing lights, if we pay attention, warning signs are not hard to recognize.

Recurring conflict, conversations that become confrontations, distance and disconnection between you and the one you love: all of these and more are signs that the relationship needs attention. And sadly, too many couples ignore the signs, hoping things will just get better on their own. In fact, renowned relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman report that the average couple waits and procrastinates as long as six years knowing that something is wrong before they get help for their problems.

Six years! What if you waited six years to change the oil in your car? That would be insane. You’d be buying cars more frequently than changing your oil, that’s for sure. What a waste. And yet, a relationship that could and should last a lifetime is worth far more than any car.

There’s No Time Like the Present

Here’s great news: a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is great relationship maintenance. If you and your partner find yourselves farther apart than you want to be, if conflict just keeps tripping you up—you’re having the same arguments over and over (different topic, same pattern), if you are worried that you are losing the love that you were once sure would last a lifetime—consider those warning signs. Or maybe you just want to keep your very valuable relationship in tip top shape. Either way, Hold Me Tight®️ is just for you.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day couples retreat near beautiful Orlando, FL. Together with other couples, you will learn from attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy in a low key, casual setting: no confrontation, no one gets put on the spot. Couples find that they have much in common with others and we all learn together.

A Little Tune Up Makes a Big Difference

And, in just two days, couples begin to understand what so often makes no sense in the heat of conflict—and they learn to connect more deeply and in ways they never knew they could. Hold Me Tight®️ can be nothing short of transformational.

And, here’s the best news of all—you can do that relationship maintenance this week. That’s right, our next Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is this Friday and Saturday, April 26 & 27. See our home page for all the details.

With machines…and certainly with love, maintenance matters. Here’s your chance. Give your relationship the loving care it deserves.

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark.
Sign up for our contact list.
Prepare for a transformational experience.

< Older Post Newer Post >

Have a Safety Plan

Couples who attend a Hold Me Tight couples retreat get real help when problems arise.

Getting Good Help

By Mark Beck • 07 May, 2024

Couples who attend a Hold Me Tight couples retreat don't have to struggle alone or ignore problem patterns any longer.

A Hold Me Tight Florida couples retreat helps couples learn solution focused skills.

Solution Focused Couples

By Mark Beck • 11 Apr, 2024

Hold Me Tight couples retreat helps couples learn solution focused relationship skills

More Than Meets the Eye

By Mark Beck • 11 Apr, 2024

A Hold Me Tight Couples retreat in Florida helps couples learn what is happening beneath the surface when they conflict.

What Makes Love Last

By Mark Beck • 01 Apr, 2024

What makes relationships last? Those couples in their twilight years, still together, still holding hands, still in love—we love to see those couples. And we’d love to be one of those couples. But, they are definitely a minority. Fewer than five percent of couples last fifty years. For that matter, only 40 percent make it 25 years. And, while longevity is definitely not proof of a happy couple, it’s still a good question: what does it take for love to last?

Couples who attend a Florida Hold Me Tight couples retreat learn that staying can be worthwhile

Stay or Go?

By Mark Beck • 24 Mar, 2024

Hold Me Tight teaches couples how to stay together through tough times and be glad they did.

What Do We Do with Conflict?

By Mark Beck • 18 Mar, 2024

What is a sign of trouble in a relationship? Lots of people might say conflict is a red flag. But that’s not necessarily so. Conflict is fairly inevitable. No two people can agree on everything all the time. Indeed, who would want to? Conflict isn’t the problem. It’s conflict that escalates. It’s conflict that becomes combat, conversations that become confrontations. Now, THAT spells trouble. The renowned relationship researcher John Gottman discovered that roughly two thirds of what couples disagree on…they’ll never agree on. Matters of taste, opinion, personality, preference are what he calls “perpetual problems.” And couples can be perfectly happy “agreeing to disagree.” In fact, Gottman says that the goal with these issues is not to win the argument or get your way. Life is not always a zero sum game. The goal is to maintain a dialogue. Keep the conversation going where you listen, not to win; you listen to learn. Couples who can respect their partner’s different viewpoint can actually enrich each other, even as they disagree. But, what about conflict where someone feels hurt, unheard, unimportant, unwanted? What about when a transgression has occurred? That’s a different type of conflict, but every couple has faced it. This is more often where and when conversations become confrontations and conflict becomes combat. This is where conflict often escalates.

Here Come the Four Horsemen

By Mark Beck • 05 Mar, 2024

Picture this pleasant scenario with your partner: you have a complaint. You’ve tried to overlook it, but you’re fed up. You’re irritated, so your complaint has a critical edge. “Why don’t you ever get home from work on time? You’re always late.” Your partner, feeling unfairly blamed, is understandably defensive. “I’m not always late. And why are you so negative?” You might trade these attack/defend barbs for a while, neither feeling heard. But, then someone raises the bar and things get hotter. “You’re so self-centered. Why in the world did I marry someone so thoughtless?” “Me self-centered? That’s insane! You are disgusting!” Now, the gloves are off. You’ve escalated and things have gotten personal…you’re going for the jugular. This is intense and painful and will likely last until someone taps out. “That’s it; I’m done! I’m out of here.” One of you shuts down and becomes a stone wall. The conversation stops, but not the conflict. Maybe for an hour or a day, or longer (I’ve seen it last for years) it’s a Cold War, or at least an uneasy truce. Slowly, the smoke clears and eventually things get back to a kind of normal—until the next explosion. And the more it happens, the further apart you and your partner become, to harder it is to reconnect and the more desperate your love feels. Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

Commit to the Climb

By Mark Beck • 26 Feb, 2024

Committed couples aim for the top attending a Hold Me Tight couples retreat in Florida

Every Couple Needs a Road Map

By Mark Beck • 05 Feb, 2024

Let’s say you’re going on a road trip. You need several things. You need to know where you want to go and you need a vehicle that will get you there. You can have a wonderful destination in mind. You may even have a brand new car—reliable, well equipped and full of gas. And you can be ready and willing to go. But you won’t make it without one more thing. You have to know HOW to get there. You need directions. Just to get behind the wheel and start driving is a bad idea. As they say, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” Without directions, eventually, however hard you might try, you’ll probably end up lost.