Change Your Viewing--Change Your Doing

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Perception is Reality

The old adage "perception is reality" probably rings true. How you see a situation makes all the difference. That certainly applies to relationships and partners. Psychologists call it "confirmation bias." It just means that you see what you are looking for in your partner, be it positive or negative and anything to the contrary carries very little weight. Couples in conflict then, tend to see one another negatively, as insensitive, untrustworthy, emotionally absent, critical and so forth. We compile a catalog of evidence and can "litigate" our case to our partner at the drop of a hat. A true relationship danger sign (and what often happens in couples therapy) finds partners who love one another converting my office to a courtroom and prosecuting one another with blame, "what-aboutism" and contempt, trying to prove who is more wrong or less right. They are stuck in what John Gottman calls "Negative Sentiment Override." They only see the bad in one another. It's a one way road to relationship hell, as they say.

All of us in committed relationship have been there. And when you are, all you want to do is to change the conversation. But, you don't know how. These negative cycles, this "highway to hell" has no off ramp. But, here's the good news: you can exit. It's possible to change the conversation.

Changing the Conversation

And couples learn to do just that in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ teaches the amazing lessons of attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy, the widely acclaimed gold standard for relationship renewal. Hold Me Tight®️ helps couples learn to see one another differently. They learn that they, in fact, want the same things in love; they're just pursuing them in very different ways. They learn that they are actually not enemies or opponents. They learn to build (or rebuild) safety and connection that they never knew they could.

And, at Hold Me Tight®️, couples don't just hear about this: they do it. They actually learn to have conversations they never knew how to have...conversations they never knew they needed to have. We're talking here about conversations, NOT confrontations. So, couples change not only how they see one another, but how they connect with one another.

Change Your Viewing--Change Your Doing

The well known Solution Focused practitioner, Bill O'Hanlon, in his book "Do One Thing Different," said that changing any situation (or relationship) is a two step process. It involves changing how we see the situation (or person) and changing how we act in that situation. In short, we need to "change our viewing and change our doing."

That is exactly what Hold Me Tight®️ is about. You and your partner will learn to see each other as allies, not opponents, as safety cues, not danger cues. Then, you will do a new thing--together: you will learn to turn toward, not against one another, even (especially) in conflict. You will learn the power of vulnerability and empathy in actual conversations that will change the climate in your relationship. You will be amazed at the changes that can occur in the span of just two days.

Low Risk/High Reward

Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It's a low key, group experience where you'll meet other couples and see how much all of us have in common. You'll go at your own pace. No one is singled out or put on the spot. And you'll leave more capable and confident as a couple, with a new "viewing" and a new "doing" that can make a lifetime of difference. It is indeed low relationship risk and high relationship reward.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a chance to change the most important relationship in your world. You can leave the old behind and create a new normal. Our next workshop is next month. Sign up today. Come join us in Orlando!

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Have a Safety Plan

When You Hit Turbulence

By Mark Beck • December 16, 2024

Now and then, I travel by air. I enjoy it, for the most part. But, on one trip, seemingly out of nowhere, the plane hit heavy turbulence. Suddenly, the cabin was shuttering and shaking. I looked outside; the wings were visibly bouncing up and down as the plane lurched and pitched. I tried to hide my fear, but (pardon the pun) it really shook me up. My stomach tightened; my breathing got shallow. I couldn’t think straight. Having such little experience with something like that, I feared we would crash. But, then, I noticed the flight attendants. They were cool as the backside of a pillow…no panic or alarm. I wondered how they could be so calm. Soon the pilot came over the intercom and in a steady, measured voice, explained that turbulence is normal, the plane was built for much, much worse and it would all subside in a few moments. The crew had been through this many times. They understood what was happening and what to do. I was so glad that somebody did! Their calm was contagious. Gradually, I was able to relax and realized that it wasn’t the crisis I had feared it was. That was a game changer. I got through it and now, turbulence isn’t the problem it used to be for me when I fly. It still happens, but I know what it’s about when it does and that gets me through. .

In Person Or Online?

By Mark Beck • December 2, 2024

Vicki and I will start something new in March of 2025. We have been leading in person Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats at least four times a year for six years now. No two are the same; we always see amazing results and we get more than we give every time. And, in addition to our in person workshops, we’ll also begin offering online Hold Me Tight®️ workshops next year. In person and online workshops are definitely different. Each format has its own advantages. So, what’s different about the two and what is the same and which might be best for you? I’m glad you asked.

What About Love Languages?

By Mark Beck • November 19, 2024

Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” is one of the most popular and prolific couples self-help books in history. Since its initial release in 1992, through several revisions, it has sold over 20 million copies. That’s one popular book! Perhaps you’ve read it. If not, it’s worth your time. Chapman basically contends that romantic love shows up in five ways. He calls them “languages.” In no particular order, they are: personal touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and giving gifts. The idea is that all of us have a top one or two love languages and that couples can and should know, not only their own love language, but more so, their partner’s. And the more you and your partner speak one another’s language, the more love you’ll both share.

a Hold Me Tight Couples retreat in Orlando helps couples grow closer and more secure

Another HMT Couples Retreat in the Books

By Mark Beck • November 12, 2024

A Hold Me Tight retreat in Orlando is a safe, powerful experience for couples to grow closer together

Going Deeper

By Mark Beck • November 5, 2024

A Hold Me Tight couples retreat in Orlando is a great place to let go of old baggage.

No More Baggage Dragging

By Mark Beck • October 30, 2024

At Hold Me Tight, couples learn to let go of old baggage.

A Hold Me Tight couples retreat is a great way to treat problems while they're still easy to fix.

Catch Problems Early

By Mark Beck • October 23, 2024

As I write this, I am waiting in my dermatologist’s office to have minor surgery. He detected a small spot of skin cancer on my face. That’s always a potential problem here in sunny Florida. Fortunately, they caught mine early and the procedure to correct it should be fairly simple. They found my skin cancer in a routine exam. That is to say, I had no symptoms. It wasn’t visible, wasn’t conspicuous, or even noticeable. But, had I ignored it, it most definitely would have worsened and possibly become serious. As they say, prevention beats treatment. And even when treatment is required, the earlier, the better.

A Real Learning Experience

By Mark Beck • October 9, 2024

A Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is a transformational learning experience for couples. Two words there are key: learning and experience. First, what do you learn? You learn fascinating insights from attachment science. You learn that emotions are what drive us. Think about it: the word “emotion” contains the word “motion.” Emotions move us, motivate us. Emotions incite behaviors, actions and reactions. Emotions inform every level of our existence. And our most powerful, most vulnerable emotions are beneath the surface.