Heed the Warning Signs

Blog Layout

Know the Signs of Relationship Distress

In a previous career, I was an over the road truck driver. I covered a lot of miles, coast to coast and one of my biggest fears was breaking down somewhere far from home and far from help (and this was before the days of cell phones and GPS). Even now, in the family car, that’s the last thing I’d want to happen on the highway. But, I’ve learned that cars (and other machines) very seldom just fail catastrophically without warning. Far more often, a car will tell you something is wrong, usually long before it leaves you stranded. A noise, a vibration, a smell or even a warning light are usually precursors to a breakdown. Alert, astute drivers can usually catch the problem early. And, with proper maintenance (oil changes, tune ups, etc.) they can even avoid many problems altogether. Breakdowns are more often a matter of poor upkeep than abuse or mistreatment.

Couples Need Maintenance Too

Relationships are much the same. Relationships like marriage are built for the long run, built to last a lifetime. But, they require upkeep, regular attention and loving care. If you ignore “marriage maintenance,” eventually, signs of trouble will pop up…usually long before a catastrophic failure. As a marriage therapist, too often, by the time I see a couple, they’ve long ignored (or never even noticed) telltale warning signs.

So, what are some of those relationship warning signs?

Here are just a few. This list is not exhaustive, but be advised: don’t ignore them.

A Few Warning Signs

When friendship and playfulness in your relationship wear thin, pay attention. No relationship is fun all the time, but healthy couples are best friends. Laughter, fun and friendship should outweigh negativity—John Gottman says, by at least a 5:1 ratio—five times more positive than negative.

Criticism and blame are warning signs. Fault finding conversations quickly become confrontations that produce resentment and hurt. Couples that snipe, pick and “see the glass half empty” are in for long term trouble.

On the other hand, isolating, shutting down, disengaging and “stonewalling” are also danger signs. Couples who do that aren’t keeping the peace; they are pulling apart and they will eventually realize they don’t even know one another.

When your relationship becomes “transactional,” if you tend to keep score, trouble is brewing. Likewise, if you view even the neutral things your partner says or does in a negative light, that too is a warning sign.

Maybe you see one of more of those warning signs in your relationship. If so, don’t despair. Don’t throw in the towel. Your love isn’t doomed. You just need to change some things—and sooner is better than later.

Good Help is Close at Hand

That’s where Hold Me Tight®️ comes in. Hold Me Tight®️ is a great step in the right direction, whether you’re just beginning to see warning signs or your relationship is in real trouble. At Hold Me Tight®️ you’ll meet other couples facing the same hurdles and struggling with many of the same issues. You’ll find that you aren’t alone and you’ll learn to make sense of what so often doesn’t in love.

Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s learning and practicing new ways of connecting with your partner. It’s about changing the old patterns that lead to trouble over the long run. After just two days together with your partner, you will leave with new skills and a new direction to help you last for the long run in love.

Our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Orlando is next month. Check out our website for all the details.

So, watch for warning signs. And, if you’re wondering, what about the signs of a healthy relationship? What is proof of life in love? I’m glad you asked…that’ll be our next blog!

Learn more about Mark and Vicki.
Sign up for our contact list.
Prepare for a transformational experience.

< Older Post

Newer Post >

Have a Safety Plan

When You Hit Turbulence

By Mark Beck • December 16, 2024

Now and then, I travel by air. I enjoy it, for the most part. But, on one trip, seemingly out of nowhere, the plane hit heavy turbulence. Suddenly, the cabin was shuttering and shaking. I looked outside; the wings were visibly bouncing up and down as the plane lurched and pitched. I tried to hide my fear, but (pardon the pun) it really shook me up. My stomach tightened; my breathing got shallow. I couldn’t think straight. Having such little experience with something like that, I feared we would crash. But, then, I noticed the flight attendants. They were cool as the backside of a pillow…no panic or alarm. I wondered how they could be so calm. Soon the pilot came over the intercom and in a steady, measured voice, explained that turbulence is normal, the plane was built for much, much worse and it would all subside in a few moments. The crew had been through this many times. They understood what was happening and what to do. I was so glad that somebody did! Their calm was contagious. Gradually, I was able to relax and realized that it wasn’t the crisis I had feared it was. That was a game changer. I got through it and now, turbulence isn’t the problem it used to be for me when I fly. It still happens, but I know what it’s about when it does and that gets me through. .

In Person Or Online?

By Mark Beck • December 2, 2024

Vicki and I will start something new in March of 2025. We have been leading in person Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats at least four times a year for six years now. No two are the same; we always see amazing results and we get more than we give every time. And, in addition to our in person workshops, we’ll also begin offering online Hold Me Tight®️ workshops next year. In person and online workshops are definitely different. Each format has its own advantages. So, what’s different about the two and what is the same and which might be best for you? I’m glad you asked.

What About Love Languages?

By Mark Beck • November 19, 2024

Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” is one of the most popular and prolific couples self-help books in history. Since its initial release in 1992, through several revisions, it has sold over 20 million copies. That’s one popular book! Perhaps you’ve read it. If not, it’s worth your time. Chapman basically contends that romantic love shows up in five ways. He calls them “languages.” In no particular order, they are: personal touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and giving gifts. The idea is that all of us have a top one or two love languages and that couples can and should know, not only their own love language, but more so, their partner’s. And the more you and your partner speak one another’s language, the more love you’ll both share.

a Hold Me Tight Couples retreat in Orlando helps couples grow closer and more secure

Another HMT Couples Retreat in the Books

By Mark Beck • November 12, 2024

A Hold Me Tight retreat in Orlando is a safe, powerful experience for couples to grow closer together

Going Deeper

By Mark Beck • November 5, 2024

A Hold Me Tight couples retreat in Orlando is a great place to let go of old baggage.

No More Baggage Dragging

By Mark Beck • October 30, 2024

At Hold Me Tight, couples learn to let go of old baggage.

A Hold Me Tight couples retreat is a great way to treat problems while they're still easy to fix.

Catch Problems Early

By Mark Beck • October 23, 2024

As I write this, I am waiting in my dermatologist’s office to have minor surgery. He detected a small spot of skin cancer on my face. That’s always a potential problem here in sunny Florida. Fortunately, they caught mine early and the procedure to correct it should be fairly simple. They found my skin cancer in a routine exam. That is to say, I had no symptoms. It wasn’t visible, wasn’t conspicuous, or even noticeable. But, had I ignored it, it most definitely would have worsened and possibly become serious. As they say, prevention beats treatment. And even when treatment is required, the earlier, the better.

Couples that attend a Hold Me Tight retreat in Orlando change their relationship

Change Your Viewing--Change Your Doing

By Mark Beck • October 14, 2024

Couples at a Hold Me Tight retreat in Orlando change their perspective and their behaviors to grow closer than ever before.

A Real Learning Experience

By Mark Beck • October 9, 2024

A Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is a transformational learning experience for couples. Two words there are key: learning and experience. First, what do you learn? You learn fascinating insights from attachment science. You learn that emotions are what drive us. Think about it: the word “emotion” contains the word “motion.” Emotions move us, motivate us. Emotions incite behaviors, actions and reactions. Emotions inform every level of our existence. And our most powerful, most vulnerable emotions are beneath the surface.