The Oil in the Engine

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The Oil in the Engine

A healthy relationship is like a fine tuned machine. It has many moving parts and it’s a marvel. But, like oil in an engine, one thing makes a relationship run smoothly. It’s a special skill that healthy couples use every day. Without it, things eventually grind to a halt. The word is empathy.

Empathy is Key

Empathy keeps your relationship humming. It reduces wear and tear and keeps friction at a minimum. Empathy is absolutely crucial. You can learn every relationship skill, strategy and secret, you can be an expert, a verbal ninja, but without empathy, none of it will work.

Though powerful, empathy is really very simple. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in your partner's shoes. It's seeing things from your partner's perspective. Empathy isn’t about agreeing or giving in. Indeed, agreement is highly overrated. With empathy, if necessary, you can "agree to disagree." You can accept and respect your partner. When you do that (and when your partner does it for you) you both “let each other in.” Empathy creates safety and nothing good happens until partners feel safe with one another.

Simple, but not Easy

Empathy is simple, but not always easy. It’s an exercise in vulnerability. It requires you to lay down your arms and stand beside your partner, not against them. It involves learning what you didn’t know or seeing what you might have missed. You may find that your partner has a valid point as well. But, again, who’s right or wrong is not the point. It’s about understanding. And we’ve learned that people calm down when they feel understood, when they feel heard…when they “feel felt.” Intractable problems aren’t so intractable with empathy.

So, try it. Put yourself in your partner's shoes. Imagine what life is like for him or her. What would you see or do differently if you tried your partner's point of view? What would it be like to be your spouse? What would you have to tolerate or endure? Would you want to be married to you? Try a little empathy. Put yourself in your partner's shoes. Imagine how your perspective (and your relationship) might change.

Empathy and Hold Me Tight®️

Empathy is just one of the skills we learn and practice at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend retreat in Orlando. A Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is a great place for couples to connect deeply and learn the power of empathy and vulnerability. In just two days, couples can break patterns of conflict and discord that may have lasted for years. They can learn to have conversations, not confrontations. You and your partner can create that safe space between you that all couples crave.

Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy. But Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s a low key, fun group experience where you’ll meet other couples like you. You go at your own pace. No one is put on the spot. And you will leave with a road map for connection that can change your relationship for good. It’s amazing what two transformational days can do.

Check out all the details at www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com. Our next retreat is August 9 & 10. Don’t wait. Get in on Hold Me Tight®️today!

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Have a Safety Plan

When You Hit Turbulence

By Mark Beck • December 16, 2024

Now and then, I travel by air. I enjoy it, for the most part. But, on one trip, seemingly out of nowhere, the plane hit heavy turbulence. Suddenly, the cabin was shuttering and shaking. I looked outside; the wings were visibly bouncing up and down as the plane lurched and pitched. I tried to hide my fear, but (pardon the pun) it really shook me up. My stomach tightened; my breathing got shallow. I couldn’t think straight. Having such little experience with something like that, I feared we would crash. But, then, I noticed the flight attendants. They were cool as the backside of a pillow…no panic or alarm. I wondered how they could be so calm. Soon the pilot came over the intercom and in a steady, measured voice, explained that turbulence is normal, the plane was built for much, much worse and it would all subside in a few moments. The crew had been through this many times. They understood what was happening and what to do. I was so glad that somebody did! Their calm was contagious. Gradually, I was able to relax and realized that it wasn’t the crisis I had feared it was. That was a game changer. I got through it and now, turbulence isn’t the problem it used to be for me when I fly. It still happens, but I know what it’s about when it does and that gets me through. .

In Person Or Online?

By Mark Beck • December 2, 2024

Vicki and I will start something new in March of 2025. We have been leading in person Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats at least four times a year for six years now. No two are the same; we always see amazing results and we get more than we give every time. And, in addition to our in person workshops, we’ll also begin offering online Hold Me Tight®️ workshops next year. In person and online workshops are definitely different. Each format has its own advantages. So, what’s different about the two and what is the same and which might be best for you? I’m glad you asked.

What About Love Languages?

By Mark Beck • November 19, 2024

Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” is one of the most popular and prolific couples self-help books in history. Since its initial release in 1992, through several revisions, it has sold over 20 million copies. That’s one popular book! Perhaps you’ve read it. If not, it’s worth your time. Chapman basically contends that romantic love shows up in five ways. He calls them “languages.” In no particular order, they are: personal touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and giving gifts. The idea is that all of us have a top one or two love languages and that couples can and should know, not only their own love language, but more so, their partner’s. And the more you and your partner speak one another’s language, the more love you’ll both share.

a Hold Me Tight Couples retreat in Orlando helps couples grow closer and more secure

Another HMT Couples Retreat in the Books

By Mark Beck • November 12, 2024

A Hold Me Tight retreat in Orlando is a safe, powerful experience for couples to grow closer together

Going Deeper

By Mark Beck • November 5, 2024

A Hold Me Tight couples retreat in Orlando is a great place to let go of old baggage.

No More Baggage Dragging

By Mark Beck • October 30, 2024

At Hold Me Tight, couples learn to let go of old baggage.

A Hold Me Tight couples retreat is a great way to treat problems while they're still easy to fix.

Catch Problems Early

By Mark Beck • October 23, 2024

As I write this, I am waiting in my dermatologist’s office to have minor surgery. He detected a small spot of skin cancer on my face. That’s always a potential problem here in sunny Florida. Fortunately, they caught mine early and the procedure to correct it should be fairly simple. They found my skin cancer in a routine exam. That is to say, I had no symptoms. It wasn’t visible, wasn’t conspicuous, or even noticeable. But, had I ignored it, it most definitely would have worsened and possibly become serious. As they say, prevention beats treatment. And even when treatment is required, the earlier, the better.

Couples that attend a Hold Me Tight retreat in Orlando change their relationship

Change Your Viewing--Change Your Doing

By Mark Beck • October 14, 2024

Couples at a Hold Me Tight retreat in Orlando change their perspective and their behaviors to grow closer than ever before.

A Real Learning Experience

By Mark Beck • October 9, 2024

A Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is a transformational learning experience for couples. Two words there are key: learning and experience. First, what do you learn? You learn fascinating insights from attachment science. You learn that emotions are what drive us. Think about it: the word “emotion” contains the word “motion.” Emotions move us, motivate us. Emotions incite behaviors, actions and reactions. Emotions inform every level of our existence. And our most powerful, most vulnerable emotions are beneath the surface.